I'm not sure if I should be happy or not but...

I'm not sure if I should be happy or not, but I'm not single 'anymore'?

I know this sounds so weird, but I always love to be single and eat Chacos while watching Korean Dramas and wrap myself like a burrito and set the a/c on 16 degree celcius and enjoy the dramas.

But, knowing myself is not single anymore suddenly makes me a bit sad, like

'do I really have to do this? Am I really taken?'

To be honest, I kinda really missed the times though.

Even though I somehow love this guy so much, but I'm not ready yet to take one step ahead.

I still want to have my freedom, but his eyes are just so addicting.

Seriously.

Don't get me wrong, if you're thinking he's like those American models that appear on some kind of magazines, then you're wrong.

He's really simple. Nothing special.

But compare to the other guys out there, you'll know why I chose him.

For now, I'm just going to keep him as my little secret, and hoping one day we're going to have our little rendezvous.

Anyway, tomorrow will be a big day for me, since I'm going to attend my own Graduation Ceremony and finally getting my Diploma Scroll!

Yay!

That's not the only thing that matters, what matters the most will be how will my prom night will be like?

I hope it'll be much fun-ner than last year apart that I've been called looking like an 'AUNTY' =.=

I know I know..

I looked so perfectly ugly on last year's IS Night and I hate to see my pictures (ewwww)

Who knows what this year I'll be look like?

*Shrugs*

Anyway, going to update some photos later.

Ciao~




Love,
Durian Girl

A New Journey Awaits

Hi bloggers!

Tonight's entry is about how I am so excited to tell that I'm going to go on a travel with one of my best friend on this July.

Even though it was a very challenging weeks on preparing, planning, asking, and throwing away all my egos. 

But, we managed to have 9 days in that country ^3^

Wanna know where am I going? 

Wait for the next entry and you will know where! 

Love,

Durian Girl

Siou (I'm Sorry) - Jo Anna Sue Henley Rampas (with english trans)

[Kadazan Version]

Siou...
I'm sorry...
Hongonku au ogihot
My hands are not strong enough
Minongonggom diau
to hold you in my arms
Songian toh mibatos om miginavo
That time when we used to be loving and be in love with each other

Ontok koh miampai dogo
For you, whose in front of me
Pinohogos ku iziau
I let you go
Opiumanan ku sinduo nu
Because my heart hurts so much
Au ku iziau hinizo
But you never came to comfort

Siou...
I'm sorry...
Notohikudan koh
You've turned your back
Id kotuvangan nu
The darkness in you
Tu' manu izou kinoongon nu
That I wanted your arms

Nga' siou noh diau
But so sorry to you
Tu' noindaman koh tomod
That strongly you're truly
Mantad koulalahon ku
From my leading
Ogumu kozo piimanon ku
Too much that I've felt

# Om gisom baino
And until now
Aiso nodi boos nu
You've never left a word already
tuminongkizad koh
You've left me
Au ku iziau okito
That's why I've never see you again

Koiho koh ih nangku?
Do you know?
Iziau tombituon ku
You're my star
Maza' diti hozou
Through this song
hangadon zou diau
I let you know how I've missed you

Kivaa poh nangku batos nu dogo?
Does there any love left for me from you?
ombiton nuh poh nangku iti batos ku
I'll be still holding on to this love
Oi koupusan ku..
Oh my darling...

Simbaao zou poh diau
Answer me now
Kada' toh pohogosa piupusan togingo
Don't we ever let this sweet love goes
Navazan dito
The one we've been through together

Koiho koh ih nangku?
Do you know?
Iziau tombituon kuh
You are my star
Maza' diti hozou
Through this song
hangadon zou diau
I let you know how I've missed you
Maza' diti hozou ku,
Through this song
oluo ginavo ku...
My heart hurts so much...

Just Hold On

There I was again

Saying to myself that

Just hold on a little more

It's going to over soon

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally written by: Me

I think I am in Love

My head is spinning

Around and around

Wondering if he ever knows

What I felt for him

Every hour every minute every second

All I can think about is him

I admit he is no other guy that I met

He is someone that pretends he doesn't cares

He makes me smile

Even though I was sad and terrified

He wiped my fear by his humour

He told me about his day

He told me about his stories

Tell me his thoughts

The only person to say 'good morning'

and wave me 'good bye' everyday

Always tries to have a conversation

He wants to exist in my life

He did

He never left my thoughts after that

Even though he left and never came back

He is the last person who created a memory

that occupies my whole thoughts

He is the first person who I first thought after I awake

Also the last person I thought before I sleep

I get excited every time I sees his text

I never want to fail him

The only reason I started to start writing again

He gave me strength

and hope where there is none

He teaches me to love again

He makes me to learn about world

Is this how love feels?

Because I think I am in love

Oh, if this what they called 'love'

I would say it is wonderful and beautiful

Yet painful and cruel

I want to live by his dark shadows no more

Everyday is suffocating me

It's like I'm living in a box

Is this how love feels?

Because I want to be in love no more

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Originally written by me and this is how my thoughts been doing the whole day after my finals. Was feeling creative and also sad. Which I don't know why. Maybe I was bored? But, I'm not sure.

I never felt so empty before. Yes, I enjoyed living the single life, but lately, I just don't get it. I've tried avoiding myself to fall in love, tried to not get hurt, and stuffs. But, there's this guy, he gave me a feeling that I once forgotten. This is stupid. Hahahaha. Even I, myself, laughed at my own stupidity.

Anyway, I just hope this long holiday I can earn more money so that I can travel alone and free. Just like what he said, "You may travel as far as you want, but try not to further your studies out there. It'll cost you a lot. If you study overseas, when you come back, maybe people that is your age may have their own business and be their own boss, but you? Still wanting to find a job and work under people," those words sting. But, I understand it. It makes sense. Who wouldn't want to have a business they conduct by themselves? After all those hardworks, then all the money you earned, you use it to travel the world. How does that sounds?

Well, still a long way to go, darling. 

I need to start now :)

Muah muah~

Wednesday Entry

Finals are just around the corner and I am going to start one of my final paper this Saturday.

How stressful that is? Ugh ><

Anyway, I am quiet delightful today because I think 'he' finally told me about his e-x. Even though I felt a bit annoyed that he actually told me about his e-x in front of me -_- but at the same time, I felt secure and I won't need to question that much from him anymore.

He also told me about he meeting 'not intelligent' girls in 'the' app which makes me happy for some reason. hahaha.

I know it is wrong and I'm feeling very wrong now actually that I actually want him to be mine, but I just can't because there's something in me telling me that he's just wasn't ready for love yet.

Yes. He said he'll take care of the girl and give her everything only if he loves her and talk to her everyday. Yeah. That's normal. But, this is what every girl wants. To make them feel wanted. The feeling of being loved and being special in someone's mind. 

I have asked him quiet the same thing too but in a different way. Since he said he does not have feelings for his e-x now, and I asked him whether would he goes back to his e-x and start a new love life if his e-x ask him to, he said, "if i love her again? i don't know" "i would hesitate 'cause i know how she is"

"So, does that means you're not ready for someone new?"

"If I don't love anybody I won't have girlfriend"

"So it's all about girlfriend?"

Can you see why I said he's not ready yet? 

Anyway, that's all for the entry today. I am going to edit a bit more on my assignment.

Muah Muah~

You thought

Have you ever feel like where you're really near to something you think you can get, but in the end, you're just wrong. You're not even as important as they are to you.

You thought, finally there is someone who actually cares about you and make effort to talk to you every single day. And you pretty think that they really mean it, but they actually don't. 

You thought, what you always talk with them are the things that he wanted, but sadly no. They are actually wanting something more than that. Something that you don't even know what it is. But what you're really sure is, someone out there is trying really hard to impress them when you are not looking. 

This is so sad. I can't even express my whole feelings.