Hey peeps..
It had been some time I haven't update my blog since I was so busy to prepare my sister's birthday party last week and weeks before that. Therefore, today, since I am really into writing mood, so I'm going to talk about something that it is really hard for me to tell a single person in the world.
Just now, when I was discussing with my best friend, about relationships and stuffs. I realised that it had been a long time I didn't feel being in love. I mean, especially when you and the person really have started the commitment. It would be very different compare to just liking or just having a crush on some random guy. I may not be an expert, but I learned from my experiences all the time. So, if there are any mistakes you think I should improve or anything that you would like to suggest me, please kindly email me at: asdfghjkliloveu@icloud.com
For 19 years living in this world, I only had two real relationships and of course the last one really made a deep cut in me. Well, to be honest, my previous relationship was a mess since I was still really fresh and young. He was too. Plus, it was really hard to maintain since it was an International Love. I know this is kind of weird and hard to believe, but I really do love him and I really thought that we were meant to be. And, I really thought, "Oh! he is the one!" I even sacrificed my sleeps, my focuses, and my time just for him because that was the first time someone make me fell so hard for them. It was a first time for me to actually realised I started to fall for a guy and made a lot of effort just to get us together.
He does not have good looks, pretty eyes, or anything that I wish from a guy, but he is actually smart and really has the warm sensation when you are with him. He has a good sense of humor too. He planned his future really well and he actually made a schedule for us to chat. He understands me and I understand him. He really loves his family too. Especially his mom. I clearly remembered when he told me that his first love was his mom and nothing would ever changed that. He always goes to vacations with his family and he used to tell me that one day after saving up money, he would surely be back to Malaysia again. Well, I said used to right?
How do I know him? Where did it started?
It was really simple. I met him during our Exchange Students to South Korea program. He was one of the students that was a volunteer in becoming one of our foster family. Guess what was my first impression on him? It was really bad. I thought he was really fierce and scary. Plus, he's really really tall and big too. I thought, "maybe this tall guy was one of the seniors". However, I was wrong. He was actually the same age with me. Hahahahah. I was really shocked when I found that he has the same age with me. On the adoption day, he sat really at the back and I kept on staring at him wondering if this guy was okay or not, well he turned out to be okay.
Days after following some field trips with the Korean students (which he often followed too), I learned that he was not that scary at all. He was really funny. He always laugh at his own jokes and I actually noticed every time he laughed, he would took a short glance at me. I actually realised this when we were in the subway and I kept on laughing at his jokes and he asked, "Funny?" and I said, "Yes!" I actually didn't know that he was actually noticing me laughing at most of his jokes. And I often noticed that his treatment towards me and other friends were quiet different. For an instance, when he talked with my other friends, he would laugh out loud and make jokes until they can laugh their ass off. Hahahahaha. But when he was with me, he would carefully chose his words and he would be so gentle.
Since I was really fresh and innocent, I noticed but I didn't really care about it. Until one day, when we went to visit a KimChi farm, he followed too (didn't surprise me). I did not really care what he did during that time, but what really surprised me was --- that night. That night, it was really cold and breezy since it was Autumn-Winter transition. My friends and I were playing. It was actually some kind of "I Dare You" Challenge, but most likely I was the one who did all the challenges. Hahahahaha. One of my friends, initial C recorded me using my DSLR doing the 'so-called-sexy-dance'. It was really fun making my friends to laugh their ass off because I am not that kind of person who is really confident in expressing myself out. I used to be very shy, but during that time, I got my confidence and I can dance freely in front of my friends. It was actually a good thing to start showing my courage in expressing what I really am.
So, the news actually spread, where my friend initial J took the DSLR to the next room and showing my dance video with other friends and they kept laughing at me. I was really embarrassed. I was about to go out when I saw 'him' in front of our room wearing a beanie without his glasses. I was like, "Is this him? Why does he looks so different? What did I missed?" The feeling of wanting to know more of him grew each seconds right after the moment. Actually, the reason he was outside our room was he wanted to asked us to prepare our 'flying lantern' because they would be starting soon. However, that moment, I was totally mesmerised by his looks. I just kept on staring at his face. *This is awkward*
I still remembered when we flew the lantern into the night sky, I said, "Wow! So pretty! Like me!" Then, he was the first one to laugh. It was really a nice memory. He even helped me when my foot was injured due to the dancing. Ugh. It was really embarrassing. He even helped me to walk. We also sung a song together while walking. It was at the Seoul Land. The song we sung together was ---- "Lies by Big Bang". We really had a great memory.
We started our relationship when I was back at Malaysia. I actually confessed to him and I nearly stopped breathing. Haiz. It was really hard. I can't even imagine how he could accept me that time. I was really ugly plus hideous. All I know that is pretty was my hair. They were really long and black. I really love my hair and it was my greatest asset. Weird, is it?
And, eventually after started the relationship, I was really really happy and there was never a day I would passed with a sad heart. He was always on my mind and I was always on his. We talked a lot. He motivated me a lot too. He told me he was going to visit Malaysia and I was really happy. He asked me if he can stay with me, but when I asked my parents, they won't let me. I was really disappointed, but I couldn't tell him. It might ruined his mood and all his expectations when he comes.
When he came, I was really excited because it had been months that I haven't get to see him. When I saw him in the van, I knew his face. He was looking for me. When he finally saw me, he waved at me really hard. When he got down from the school van, I was about to give him the necklace, but my classmate initial G gave it to him first. It was really sad. Instead, I gave the necklace to my past foster brother's sister then. Her name is initial KHO. hahahaha.
Well, story cut short, we actually ended our relationship during his visit in July just because of his overprotectiveness and jealousy. Ishh. Well, there was a rumour though created by my 'so-called-foster-brother' saying that I have another boyfriend from my class and he was actually bought that and he got emo the whole night (according to my friend who fostered him). He kept on asking if it was true that I was dating another guy while dating him. Well, it was my fault too that I didn't really specify my relationship with him that time with my friends. That's why, now I lost something that I love so much.
So, I hope the next relationship won't be this complicated and I really hope I can get a good guy and I'm really sick of international love. I hate being far apart with someone that I adore or love. I want them to stay by my side and never leave. I'm tired of getting hurt.
Anyways, thanks for reading. Have a nice day!
P.S.: sorry for those bad grammars hahahaha
So, the news actually spread, where my friend initial J took the DSLR to the next room and showing my dance video with other friends and they kept laughing at me. I was really embarrassed. I was about to go out when I saw 'him' in front of our room wearing a beanie without his glasses. I was like, "Is this him? Why does he looks so different? What did I missed?" The feeling of wanting to know more of him grew each seconds right after the moment. Actually, the reason he was outside our room was he wanted to asked us to prepare our 'flying lantern' because they would be starting soon. However, that moment, I was totally mesmerised by his looks. I just kept on staring at his face. *This is awkward*
I still remembered when we flew the lantern into the night sky, I said, "Wow! So pretty! Like me!" Then, he was the first one to laugh. It was really a nice memory. He even helped me when my foot was injured due to the dancing. Ugh. It was really embarrassing. He even helped me to walk. We also sung a song together while walking. It was at the Seoul Land. The song we sung together was ---- "Lies by Big Bang". We really had a great memory.
We started our relationship when I was back at Malaysia. I actually confessed to him and I nearly stopped breathing. Haiz. It was really hard. I can't even imagine how he could accept me that time. I was really ugly plus hideous. All I know that is pretty was my hair. They were really long and black. I really love my hair and it was my greatest asset. Weird, is it?
And, eventually after started the relationship, I was really really happy and there was never a day I would passed with a sad heart. He was always on my mind and I was always on his. We talked a lot. He motivated me a lot too. He told me he was going to visit Malaysia and I was really happy. He asked me if he can stay with me, but when I asked my parents, they won't let me. I was really disappointed, but I couldn't tell him. It might ruined his mood and all his expectations when he comes.
When he came, I was really excited because it had been months that I haven't get to see him. When I saw him in the van, I knew his face. He was looking for me. When he finally saw me, he waved at me really hard. When he got down from the school van, I was about to give him the necklace, but my classmate initial G gave it to him first. It was really sad. Instead, I gave the necklace to my past foster brother's sister then. Her name is initial KHO. hahahaha.
Well, story cut short, we actually ended our relationship during his visit in July just because of his overprotectiveness and jealousy. Ishh. Well, there was a rumour though created by my 'so-called-foster-brother' saying that I have another boyfriend from my class and he was actually bought that and he got emo the whole night (according to my friend who fostered him). He kept on asking if it was true that I was dating another guy while dating him. Well, it was my fault too that I didn't really specify my relationship with him that time with my friends. That's why, now I lost something that I love so much.
So, I hope the next relationship won't be this complicated and I really hope I can get a good guy and I'm really sick of international love. I hate being far apart with someone that I adore or love. I want them to stay by my side and never leave. I'm tired of getting hurt.
Anyways, thanks for reading. Have a nice day!
P.S.: sorry for those bad grammars hahahaha
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